I hate the whole group thing. Not the group itself but when people say things like "oh, will you be at Group this week?" with a capital G. I'm not sure why it bugs me, other than it feels like bad grammar.
A couple of things were big for me tonight:
1. I binge after therapy, group or otherwise.
2. There is someone I can relate to in this group, our fathers and our relationships with them are very similar. She talked about longing to go home to visit, but anticipating rough emotional waters. I commented that I often feel the same way, but when I leave I still feel that longing. It's for a connection I can't have, even though I'm very close to my sister and her family. Part of it is that I don't have a good connection with my father and part of it is that I miss having family close by. Contridicting those parts is a third part that I'm relieved to live as far away as I do.
3. Another member said she fears that she can't take good care of herself, after all why would she let herself get as big as she is. Man, I could have said that myself. I have some work to do to forgive myself (thought I was done with that) for letting myself get this big. I have to find a way to realize that it was the best I could do at the time to fill the void--dealing with HD, dealing with depression, and dealing with school. The self-trust is hard in coming. There are signs of life...
1. I think I do take better care of myself. Things like buying expensive shampoo/conditioner because I like the smell. Or buying new makeup just to experiment. Or getting a pedicure on the spur of the moment.
2. Recognizing when I slip into negative thought patterns--even if it takes a few days it's still an improvement for me. Understanding that when some days are hard, it's because I still struggle with depression, or feelings in general.
3. Allow myself to feel more, articulating those feelings or at least struggling to articulate them instead of just blocking it our.
4. Understanding how good exercise makes me feel, even if I'm not yet consistant.
5. Sometimes--on rare occasions--looking in the mirror and being happy with what I see. At least from the neck up. Not being afraid to buy nice clothing at a size 16.
6. Lastly, journally and being okay with DH seeing all of this. Stay tuned, dearest Studly man 'o mine! Tomorrow I've got to get a few things about adoption (DS) and infertility off of my chest.
Progress...slow...but getting there. The grief work was easier, and I'm impatient for this to go as quickly. I really don't want to spend the next 10 years in therapy.
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The children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent vows that they alone would care for it, they got one. They named it Danny.
Two months later, when Mom found herself responsible for cleaning and feeding the creature, she located a prospective new home for it.
The children took the news of Danny's imminent departure quite well, though one of them remarked, "He's been around here a long time--we'll miss him."
"Yes," Mom replied, "But he's too much work for one person, and since I'm that one person, I say he goes."
Another child offered, "Well, maybe if he wouldn't eat so much and wouldn't be so messy, we could keep him."
But Mom was firm. "It's time to take Danny to his new home now," she insisted. "Go and get his cage."
With one voice and in tearful outrage the children shouted, "Danny? We thought you said Daddy!"
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