My dear nephew is now awaiting a bone marrow transplant. Obviously this was not the news we wanted to hear, but our faith in God is intact. Whatever the details of God's plan for Michael are, I cling to the promises in Jeremiah: Jer 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
The future is unknown to us, but not to God. As much as I want this ache in my heart to go away, as much as I want God to do what I want, I will continue to praise Him and say "your will be done."
But oh how this hurts!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Now Cancer?
Thursday we received the news that my nephew, age 18, has chronic myelogenous leukemia. From everything I'd read in my nursing texts, the prognosis was fairly poor--three to five years. At 18, three to five didn't sound like nearly enough time. I thought I would be sick at the news, and felt everything from rage to devastation. However, pending the outcome of a few tests that will be back sometime today, he's been given a very good prognosis. Apparently the newest treatment is amazing, and unlike chemotherapy, treats the source of the dysfunction in the gene that lead to this.
Yet again, I feel like there is a before and after. This sense of before and after has happened numerous times before. First with mom being diagnosed with Huntington's disease, second with beloved's diabetes, third with our infertility, and finally when our IVF failed three years ago. Each time there was a feeling of lost innocence, but this was somehow worse. It has to do with the fact that he's only 18, full of promise for the future, getting ready to leave for college.
The uncertainty is horribly unsettling. So far, things look as okay as they can considering the diagnosis of cancer. He's gotten two units of RBCs, has not felt sick at all, and the leukophoresis treatments have proven quite successful in reducing his WBC count.
When our IVF failed three years ago (hmmm...July again?) the feelings of powerlessness were nearly maddening. Going back to school was the way I found power again. Now that my schooling is just about to bear fruit (and I've had a taste working as an LPN), I'm reminded again that this power is simply an illusion--God is in control and always has been. Everything I have is because of His grace. My beloved husband, our home, my brains, our jobs, and our extended family--all gifts and blessings from my Creator.
So as I try and process this, I'm going to try to refocus on God, and I'm trying to remember how much life means, like the Chris Rice song says..."Teach us to count the days...Teach us to make the days count...Lead us in better ways...That somehow our souls forgot"
That's my prayer for now, that and a cure. God says we are to come boldly, well, boldly I'm asking for a cure.
Yet again, I feel like there is a before and after. This sense of before and after has happened numerous times before. First with mom being diagnosed with Huntington's disease, second with beloved's diabetes, third with our infertility, and finally when our IVF failed three years ago. Each time there was a feeling of lost innocence, but this was somehow worse. It has to do with the fact that he's only 18, full of promise for the future, getting ready to leave for college.
The uncertainty is horribly unsettling. So far, things look as okay as they can considering the diagnosis of cancer. He's gotten two units of RBCs, has not felt sick at all, and the leukophoresis treatments have proven quite successful in reducing his WBC count.
When our IVF failed three years ago (hmmm...July again?) the feelings of powerlessness were nearly maddening. Going back to school was the way I found power again. Now that my schooling is just about to bear fruit (and I've had a taste working as an LPN), I'm reminded again that this power is simply an illusion--God is in control and always has been. Everything I have is because of His grace. My beloved husband, our home, my brains, our jobs, and our extended family--all gifts and blessings from my Creator.
So as I try and process this, I'm going to try to refocus on God, and I'm trying to remember how much life means, like the Chris Rice song says..."Teach us to count the days...Teach us to make the days count...Lead us in better ways...That somehow our souls forgot"
That's my prayer for now, that and a cure. God says we are to come boldly, well, boldly I'm asking for a cure.
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