The Big D and Accountability

Yesterday morning I woke up to a phone call from a former foster child. He was without question, the most difficult child we've ever had. The bag of trouble he dragged with him was sad, his past was horrifying, and he's chosen not to do anything about it. He was asking us for a ride to a wedding. We haven't seen him since he left our home in late 2004. Yet he felt it was acceptable to call us for a ride! That just speaks to his level of mental instability. He left our home under pretty sad circumstances--we kicked him out. So unlike beloved's Big D, mine is not diabetes.

Since my meltdown in front of our social worker, I seem to have found a new strength. Somehow, it was renewing for me to get it all out to someone other than beloved. He's sitting in this stew with me, and we need someone who is trying to do SOMETHING to help us and the kids. I don't feel like we'll see a lot of action, but I made my voice heard in there is power in that fact.

The boys are unhappy with the level of accountibility we are expecting. The 18 year old has been asked to be left alone for the rest of the night, because we made him help with dishes even though he did them four days ago. The horror! He even tried to pout because DS has not done them in that amount of time either. He was unhappy with the response that we just didn't care. The radish was looking for a phone number and since I took his phone away, he can't just hit one button. Of course, this is MY fault for taking the phone away, since he can't be expected to pay his phone bill on time every month.

Over and over the radish has asked me why I'm doing this NOW. In a way, it is a good question. I was beaten into submission for awhile, just too tired to parent him the way he needs to facilitate accountability. I don't expect healing without professional help in our home. That seemed to be my problem. We don't have adequate professional help because his SW doesn't believe in his condition. She logically can see his problems, but feels conventional methods will work. Even though they never have. This in turn caused my frustration, anger, and feelings of impotence. What was the point of me working so hard when there was no chance of decent therapy to support him or us?