Things you never want to hear

-Woah, you're gonna be mad when you see this mess!
-Hey, where are the wire cutters?
-Um, did the police call here today?
-I think the toilet is plugged (after the second flush is heard)
-Any sort of banging that comes out of the garage
-Any random crash followed by "I didn't do it"
-Yips of pain from the dogs, followed by laughter

Guess which THREE of these I heard today!

For my Beloved

Happy 10 years of wedded bliss! And happy 15 years together. Can you believe it's been 15 years since we first met? A few things to think about...



-OJ was arrested the summer we met.
-We were still in college
-I lived with Penny and Paulette
-You lived with Jeff, Jeff, Dan and Chris
-Gas was just over a dollar a gallon. I could fill up my car for about $15.
-The World Trade Center had been bombed,
-I really did know that I'd met my soul mate when we first met.
-I didn't 'get' the internet

With you, I've learned to golf, been introduced to Chinese food, Indian food, and a few other yummies that escape me right now. You've helped me stand through the loss of my mother, and my crazy family. Together we've survived the Keenans, Kahlow, 3M, Pace, AND Braun. We held each other through financial difficulties, diabetes, depression, and infertility. Oh yeah, and camping in Canada with your Dad.

Which brings us to the Great Parenting Adventures. We survived poopy diapers, magic marker on the carpets, bio parents that were critical of ever single thing we did, our families who thought we couldn't (or shouldn't) be doing foster care, and the nuclear bomb that was the Big D. El Chupacabra and our dear drug-addicted RADish have worked hard to try and undo our family, but we remain strong. With glass smashed into the carpet, dents kicked into cars, drunk kids, stoned kids, kids smoking on the deck, punching holes in the walls, sneaking out, hanging upside down outside the house, setting off smoke alarms while "cooking", nudie pics of girlfriends (what a fun converstion that was with those parents!), how many dirty magazines confiscated, the stealing, the lying, and the doors kicked off the hinges it's a miracle we've survived.

Not only have we survived all that, but we survived despite the best efforts of social workers! It's also spurred us onto new careers, and I'm excited to start this next chapter together.

Beloved, you're stuck with me for richer (ha!) or poorer, in good times and bad, in sickness and health. You can't get rid of me.

Gas costs are such that a fifty dollar bill pulled out of a wedding card wouldn't have filled the tank, OJ's a free man, and the WTC is gone. The past 15 years have been a crazy ride, and I'm looking forward to the next 15.

You're still the one, my love.

Get a life!

This morning I wake up 'early' for me, which is actually late for most, around 9 am. I wake up to find el chupacabra in front of the tv, with a mess in the house, and he's asking me if I want muffins. It's like a little bit of sand in my shoe.

I'm frustrated. I find this child to be so annoying, I debated going back up to my room and staying in bed. It wouldn't be the first time.

I can't change him, I can only survive him at this point. Unlike DS, I don't have any family building memories with him. He's a very effective RADish.

I don't want to be bullied by him into being miserable. I'm watching "The Pursuit of Happyness" and there's a line that says "How did they know to put that line in the declaration of independence, that line about the pursuit of happiness...is it something you can only pursue because you can never catch it?"

Then I'm back to what Beloved says, Happiness is a decision. It's hard when 50% of the family has firmly decided they will not be happy. No, not hard, virtually impossible.

Lord, change my heart.

memories

Lately a lot of old memories have been popping into my mind, at seemingly random times. Tonight I was remembering how when a new child would come into our home, DS would give them the tour of the house. He would tell new kids "no matter what, you can always knock on their bedroom door, it's really okay". That warmed my heart to hear him say that because it meant he knew that too.

With all the turmoil/teen angst this past year, I haven't been doing a lot besides look forward to the day he turns 18. I've realized what a nasty attitude that is, and have been praying "Lord change my heart".

It seems like remembering better times is how my heart is being changed.

I remember him weeding beside me in the garden, proud.

I remember him sitting on beloved's lap in long johns, on Christmas day.

I remember family dinners, with Sting on the stereo.

I remember asking the kids "What are you grateful to God for today?" DS usually replied "recess" or "school's done".

I remember them being pleasant to be around.

I miss that.