Revelations on eating

1. Keeping busy helps.
2. Keeping busy makes me feel productive
3. Keeping busy makes me feel useful, and eases the guilt of beloved working a job he hates for us.
4. Keeping busy is a distraction that makes me forget to eat, which leads to overeating.
5. Cooking/baking doesn't always equal binging. It's very relaxing for me.
6. Preventative stress management MAY be more satisfying than going through my list of stuff to do when stress is high.
7. Scheduling self care when I've been self-sacrificing, self-denial mode (and believing this was virtue) is HARD.
8. Breaking bad habits is a long process.
9. I see some progress, I have been able to STOP eating at times, and I've recognized a binge or two before it gets out of hand.
10. Still don't know what the heck emotional eating means for me.

11. I have dumb stupid guilt for dumb stupid reasons...it's ingrained.
12. It's hard to overcome the concept that "idle hands are the devils work".
13. Women, in general, strive for perfection. Although this might be more prevelent in ED populations, I see it everywhere. And it's hard to *NOT* strive for those standards. It's hard to try not to measure up even when I can see how unrealistic these perfectionist goals are.
14. Dieting news and talk, especially about "great low cal recipes" is no longer a topic of interest for me. It's a bit sad, but I find myself avoiding these conversations now. I wish I didn't want to avoid them, because this sort of talk seems to be all around me (MIL is a little loopy this way) and it makes me feel different.
15. Perfectionism, in terms of diet and exercise, is a demon that needs to be exercised. I tend to feel like a failure when I can't be perfect with either of this, have an 'all or none' attitude, and despite the knowledge that I have this unrealistic expectation of myself I have been unable to conquer this misguided thinking.