Growing up with Huntington's

I've been reading a lot of what other people think of the Duggar family recently. Like Tom Cruise, this is a family I love to read about, and love to pick apart. Religious extremists are always people to watch out for, IMO, and this family, while seemingly harmless bothered me for a lot of reasons. The first is, it's a stab at my own infertile self. I actually thought that was the main and REAL reason. Now I've realized that's not it at all. It's actually that I think the older children are way too parentified, and this I can relate to. If you asked me in high school if I thought I had too much responsibility, I probably would have said yes. But I also would have quickly followed up with "I don't mind, my family needs me." I came across to most people as a well adjusted child, polite, with more manners than most, and very responsible. I was the good child. I had good grades, could be trusted not to go out and drink (that they knew of), didn't smoke, didn't have sex, and in fact didn't date at all (that my parents knew of). I dressed fairly preppy, another parental plus.

I also did laundry, vaccuumed, dusted, did dishes, cooked, mowed the lawn, weeded the garden and did a lot in the barn. Without being told. As my mother's health went down hill, I just picked up more of the 'slack'. Mom still did plenty, but I did a lot too. I don't think my father even noticed, other than the barn work. When mom couldn't milk, dad bemoaned the fact but didn't give me a parental lecture about helping the family during times of need. I just DID IT. A good trait to have in a teenage child, true?

Yet, looking back I also realize that this was not the way it should have been. My parents should have directed my work, should have looked to outside help, or my adult siblings for this sort of support. I still think what I did was right; but I think what they did was wrong. Even if we would have hired help, I know I would have had to do more--and that's not the issue. The fact that as "the good daughter" I laid aside my teen years and shouldered adult responsibilities while enabling my father's emotional weaknesses is the problem.

That's why I get bugged abou the Duggars. The kids do what I did, and the parents encourage it. It's not right for kids to shoulder adult responsibilities. Ever. As they get close to adulthood, they should be taught how to run their own home--I'm all for raising adults and not children. I doubt they'll move out until they have a spouse in tow, and that spouse is in for a serious shock.

After moving out, depression hit me like a bullet between the eyes. My purpose, the feeling needed was gone. Mom wanted me to leave, I don't think she wanted me to see her decline. I wandered and struggled for so long after that. After beloved and I moved in together I tried so hard to please him, I wanted everything to be so perfect...I wanted to have that purpose again. It wasn't healthy, I had a hard time forming my own identity. I marveled at how at ease he was with who he was--his likes and dislikes. Mine were so diminutive, always involving wifely type things. I don't think there is anything wrong with wifely things. I do see the unhealthy behavior as being that I thought I was supposed to be focused solely on that and NOT on my own personal, separate from beloved interests.

It's all very confusing, even now. Again, I'm amazed he stuck with me and wanted ME. He truly is my best friend. Even after meeting my family, especially my mom, and knowning that could be me someday.