The radish woke up very upset this morning. He was mad because he was short on sleep and someone kept calling him half the night. He went on and on about how rude that is to wake someone up like that, repeatedly. I gently reminded him that I understood, as this is what happened to me (via HIM) most of the days that I had clinicals. He had the balls to tell me that it wasn't the same. Apparently, it's not the same thing since he didn't mean to wake me up, and I was able to fall asleep with his noise/chatter. I gently reminded him that the result was the same, regardless of his intent, and that after the first time he was yelled at it did indeed appear intentional and rude on his part. He still maintains it really isn't the same thing.

I truly can't get my coffee deprived brain around that one right now. Stupid me, I decided to 'catch up' and take both doses of wellbutrin yesterday, both after 5pm. Although extended release, I had only taken one dose on Saturday and none on Sunday due to poor planning (code for laziness) on my part. I wasn't able to get to sleep until close to 4am. I managed to drag my butt out of bed around 10am, but have the feeling I'll be dragged out most of the day.

I have managed to solve the coffee problem, as I roasted--beautifully I might add--a whole bunch of coffee this morning. To my delight, I found several bags of raw beans that had just a tiny bit left and I'm roasting a 'blend' right now. I know my dear, sweet stud will get a kick out of that. One of my quirks is mixing partial batches of everything. Lotion, cat/dog food, butter, margerine, shampoo, conditioner, makeup, and even coffee. I suspect it's a hold over from when my mom would buy compulsively. It drove me nuts. She'd go to the store every week and get the same things. We'd end up with 4-5 bottles of laundry soap and fabric softener. While I did enjoy the well stocked soda fridge and we always had convenience foods like frozen pizza in those days, the rest still bugged me. She'd randomly grab a bottle of soap and use it, so we'd end up with lots of partially full bottles. I'd combine them, when I was unable to stop her at the store. She always denied having anything wrong with her, and the word Huntington's disease was taboo.

Not so with my brother, thankfully. However, he is planning a 'surprise' wedding. Funny thing is, his fiance does not have HD, and she's going along with this. We already knew she was nuts anyway, it's just not killing her.

I'm so weak, I ungrounded DS this afternoon, simply because his moping about the house whining is really getting on my nerves. I admitted this to him, to which he replies "cool, it works!" CRAP!!! The radish non-chalantly walks out onto the deck tonight and comes back in smelling like smoke. He calmly empties his pockets--despite my explatives, which I'm not proud of--and nothing. Wow, clearly we were wrong! DH found the cigarettes on the deck. This will be his fourth smoking ticket this year.

Exercise=energy!! It felt so good to get back into the garden/yard today. After roasting beans, I set up the sprinklers and weeded this afternoon. I also found that I have big pumpkins and tons of corn! I can't believe my 4' high corn is actually producing. Surprisngly the weeds were insane, after only a few weeks hiatus, at which time things were well under control.

Follow my analogy here...it's not always a straight line when I do this: I planted veggies with the expectation that with a little fertilizer and TLC, they would produce. Along with the fertilizer, there a few weeds start growing. I keep pulling the weeds, but here and there they manage to reproduce, so I have to keep after the weeds. The radish reminds me of this. Although his behavior has improved with TLC, I've managed to drop a few weeds (mainly my filthy mouth and bad temper along the way). This seems to be what he clings to, throwing it up in my face whenever it suits him. If I could only see some fruit amongst the stunted growth, I'd have more energy to keep pulling the weeds.

This came up with the social workers today. They finally admitted he isn't making progress, and acknowledged what a difficult job we have with him. Yet the SW in charge refuses to look at additional/alternative services other than individual counseling, which any idiot can tell you won't, can't, and doesn't work with radishes! She did say that she didn't think residential was the way to go with him anymore, again showing her ignorance of all things mental health. She even lectured both boys about rebuilding a relationship with their psychotic mother. They have enough sense (self preservation instinct) to refuse to do this. Thank God for that!

Food note: Another good day: Natural ovens bread with natural peanut butter, a bowl of cereal, nearly a whole pot of coffee with milk (mostly, but some cream), a bowl of raspberries, hash browns with cheese, mashed potatoes (instant, low fat) and pot roast, very lean cuts of meat. I do notice the lack of veggies, but one day at a time, one habit at a time.