Sometimes I don't like being right

We had our work meeting yesterday, and as I thought, we did indeed have a new form rolled out to complete with the admissions packets. Virtually no useful information was taught to us by our "clinical director of education". Although I do get 2 CEU's for sitting through this hour of BS.

I also found myself the victim of workplace gossip and BS. It's time for me to stop being so damn nice to the CNAs and start being their supervisor. I hate, hate, hate the workplace gossip. Since I work with 99.9% women, it's surprising I haven't had something like this happen before. I've observed that a particular CNA is very two faced. I've seen her smiling at a co-worker, then muttering under her breath and rolling her eyes as she walks away. She's rather transparent even to those that are a bit slow in these matters (like me) but is sure that she's not. Several weeks ago, she was reported for a pretty serious issue, and she has had "issues" with me since.

Earlier this week, she was told she couldn't switch halls by me. She went over my head, told a pack of lies in collaboration with another CNA and went to our executive director. Unfortunately for her, her 10 year of seniority do not trump my RN. While I didn't feel very supported by management, she certainly did not succeed in getting me in any sort of trouble. Due to my conversation with management after she left the room, she may find herself under closer observation by said management. She sure as hell is under closer observation by me and the other nurses. We are keeping close tabs and documentation on problems we see happening with her and another CNA.

I ended up at the doctor's office this morning, where I was weighed again. It's clear that I must do something about my weight and health NOW. Not just for going on vacation, but because I look and feel like crap. My sex drive is affected, my feet are always sore, I already need surgery on the one, and I'm tired all the time. I don't wsnt to do weight watchers again, because I don't feel like they can help me anymore. I know the program but I'm not motivated to use their system. I hate to say it, but the concept of mindful eating has popped into my mind. People are constantly bringing food into work and I just grab a handful of whatever it is. I do the same thing on the way home. Usually I'm so hungry I'll grab something out of the snack machine or do a drivethru.

I'm not sure how to start again, but I am thinking on it. The first step is the mindful eating. Step two is planning for the hardest areas, such as the drive from work and while at work. It's not too hard to have decent food at home--it's the other places that are at issue. I know I'll have to log what I eat for a while, and eventually I'll have to start exercising. But exercise at my current weight is really freakin' hard. I will need to see some scale progress before I can start exercising again.

Back to square one.