The RADish Strikes Back

DS's biomom stopped over this weekend, in tears. She had a huge fight with him, and he wanted to be dropped off back in our hometown. She stopped over to warn us he's back in the area. Me? I want to yell "I told you so!" Her? Devastated and feeling rejected. Him? No clue where he actually is at the moment.

Just before Christmas, he moved back in with her. Fine by us. We had lowered our expectations dramatically and were happy that we got him to 18. He was alive, had a diploma coming, and was not in prison. This was enough for us. Did I want more for my child? Of course, but this was a RADish we were talking about. What I really want for him is a future that included being happy, having a job, and being a meaningful member of society. He does not want the same thing.

Several weeks ago, we received a message on FB "just so you know, the grass is not greener over here". It was from biomom, and we were not one bit surprised that he was unhappy with her. He had taken himself along, of course. While he spent years trying to convince himself that school, biofamily, and DH and I were the real problem, he was shocked to find out that life's issues did not disappear when he changed addresses.

DH spent a bit of time trying to convince biomom that she did the right thing. DS is going to have to bounce around for a while until he realizes that he has to be accountable for his actions. I wish he was the kind of kid who did not have to learn everything the hard way. DH and I learned early on though, that anytime DS did not work for things, they were meaningless. Unfortunately, he's also had times when this did not work either--usually in a fit of rage that resulted in 90% of his things broken, damage to walls, and sullen silence.

DH and I are considering changing all the locks in the house. We can't let him back in this house. I can't exchange the peace I have for the chaos he prefers.