The Art of Procrastination

I'm feeling very productive today, as usually happens when there is the one thing on my to do list that I hate to do: Pay bills.

Paying bills creates anxiety like nothing else in my life. It stems back to a time when I had to decide which bills to pay, instead of paying all of them. Thankfully, that time was short lived, but the anxiety has carried over. I would love to be able to turn the bill paying over to beloved, however, the thought of giving up the control creates even more anxiety.

My solution is to procrastinate. Which, of course, is not really a solution--except that I get so many other things done that at the very least, 1/2 dozen little things get crossed off of my to do list. Today's done list (to avoid bill paying) included:

-grocery shopping
-breakfast with beloved (unplanned, but necessary do to a low blood sugar episode)
-Picking up items needed for our handyman to finish our downstairs bathroom
-cleaning the kitchen, including the stove
-doing dishes
-finishing laundry
-finishing paperwork from my workweek
-collecting items needed to mail to friends and loved ones
-mopping floors
-scrubbing a toilet
-taking down my holiday window stickies

About halfway through the list, a new "to do list" started to form. Since I really, really don't want to go out and about again because it's just too darn cold, I finally made myself log onto the computer. Followed by checking my facebook page, my favorite blogs and forums, I pulled up the bank page. Luckily, I was saved a bit by hearing the washer stop, one of the few times I was grateful to switch laundry loads.

After 1/2 day of procrastinating, I logged onto the bank site, and was darn near giddy by the account balance. The dissappointment that quickly followed was to be expected, as the balance will quickly deteriorate judging by the thick stack of bills.

I'm trying to be grateful, my BIL just lost his job. I have several jobs, and am getting calls to fill in. I could pretty much work 7 days a week, and have been. Following the bill paying, I have enough money left to pay the handy man, have gas for next week, mail my packages, and also had enough to pay 50% of what I owe beloved's school account. This was due to a January shortage and poor planning on our part, and the extra anxiety carried over to this month. I even was able to finish paying a couple of big medical bills. Very exciting stuff, anxiety reducing despite the final balance of the account. There's a wee bit of a cushion, and payday is next Friday. The final bills will get paid and we will officially be "caught up." I hope.

I always feel relieved when the bills are done, but just can't help putting it off.

I still managed to leave the cat boxes for beloved.

Next big one on the list: Taxes.