The trumpet sounded, the angels sang, and the sun shined brighter than ever before. Why? BECAUSE THE BOYS ARE BACK IN SCHOOL!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you God, now they can spread their love around.
The week has been good, bad, hard, wonderful all rolled into one. After seeing my brand new nephew's picture, I couldn't help myself. I got sad and melancholy thinking about what our babies would have looked like. All of my nephews (and niece) look like our side of the family, with the exception of one. You can see it at birth. So my mind wanders...dh's curly thick hair or my stick straight? Big beautiful blue eyes, or my boring green ones? Tall or short? My cute nose or dh's wide one? I should...not...go...there. I once heard it said in a movie that "everyone has a sadness" I guess this is mine. Infertility sucks. Recently a former infertile said that it's very painful, and I got ticked. How dare she! How patronizing! Don't discuss your sorrow and 'not being able to have another one' and expect my sympathy.
Still, I find our IF being slowly resolved. Despite carrying the hurt around, it's lessening and I like having moved on. I see freedom from our rugrats on the distant horizon and I'm looking forward to it. Huh, who'd have thought that would happen. It doesn't mean I wouldn't welcome a surprise pg'cy, but IF tx'ments are no longer a pressing need the way they once were. I'm moving on. I'm NOT ready to try with our last embryos, but I do still want to. Pretty see-sawing isn't it? I have a feeling a lot of these feelings have to do with the fact that our entire parenting experience has been with very hard children, who have not provided the desired parenting experience. I love all of our kids, with the exception of a few, but I will always have in interest even in them.
BUT. THEY. WERE. HARD. NOT. NORMAL.CHALLENGING.PITA.
School has been good and bad both. I love clinicals, even if I don't really like LTC. I'm finding the good parts about it and I'm focusing on that. The a-holes in the group are emerging, and I'm trying to go undercover to avoid them and their gossip. I've gotten myself in trouble in class a few times with the jerks, because I'm GASP! Willing to participate. What a concept. Thankfully, both of my teachers are receptive to that.
Today is our anniversary. 9 years of wedded bliss, with all of the ups and downs of life. Without beloved, I don't know if I'd have gotten through it all as well as I did. Life with a partner, with THE partner that's clearly been created for you is amazing. Thank God we found each other so early in life. He's absolutely the best.
Here's to the next 9, dearest love of my life.
2 comments:
Black Testicles
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.
Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely......
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ? "
Two Weeks and no new posts?
Things must be going well!!!!
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