I'm surrounded by pregnant people, yet again. This is the way the world works. Population statistics say this should not surprise me. Yet, occasionally I'm caught off guard. Because it takes doctors, medications, surgery, and tons of prayer and tears to even get close to a pregancy for me, other people's "surprise" pregnancies and happy accidents still have the power to catch me off guard.
Progress has been made, though, as these events no longer send me into a week of tears with the covers over my head. There is, and I know always will be, a twinge of jealousy. However, progress has been made, or perhaps that damn cliche is true that time really does help heal. There is a work friend who is now pregnant, a happy surprise in her case. I've watched her go from "OMG, seriously?" to "I can't wait to have a belly". It's beautiful to watch, and still, despite the progress that's been made, manages to re-open a small area of my heart that never quite heals.
And I think about the babies that should be running around now, with beloved's blue eyes and curly hair. I see in my mind him playing with pretty little girls, rocking both of them in his recliner. I hear them calling him "daddy" and him lovingly scolding them when they are naughty.
It's terribly confusing, when you can be happy with your life as it is, yet long and wish it was another way. When you can come to acceptance, and then something happens to make you wish the dreams would have come true another way. I suppose its regret, but how can you have regrets about something you couldn't have in the first place?
Sadly, one of the ladies lost her baby this last week. Even more sad, I felt a little bit of satisfaction, now she'll know what it's like to be a member of my club too. I'm one sick puppy.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment